Yeahhh dude. I’m still wintering in the prairies, which is really reverse logic, weather-wise. Ah whatever. Here’s a blog post I wrote when I was just 56 days away from graduating from university.
You know, sometimes I fantasize about going back to school and then I read something like this and I’d rather jump off a cliff, hover in the air for a long time holding a handmade wooden sign that says “help!”, fall down, land in a pit of cactus plants butt first, run away howling, see a plate of Nova food, go start eating it and then get an anvil dropped on my stupid head.
Anyway, here’s all the reason you need to never go to post-secondary school. You’re welcome.
This little thing called ‘full-time university’ called me up on Sunday and apparently it wants me to like, pay attention to it and do all this work all of a sudden and what’s up with that?
There I was, minding my own business during ‘reading break’ which was honestly less of a break and more of a nice change of routine, but still busy as all get-out, when all of a sudden on Sunday night, BAM. Reality check.
Oh hey there Nova, said my school-work conscience who often takes extended leaves of absence, you should probably read those two ENTIRE NOVELS (in Spanish) by Monday. Oh yeah and BTW you have a presentation due, like where you get up and talk in front of the class. Yeah, um that’s on Wednesday.
You had some reading due for class on Monday too, I think you were supposed to be ready to discuss something about a poem?
Right and don’t forget about Thursday. You know, you have to hand in your research proposal. But first I guess you should decide what you’re going to be writing that paper on and then like, find some sources…yeah, that one’s pretty important.
Okay, I thought, it’s gonna be a tough week, but …
Right and also there’s that transcription video thing that you’re doing for money. Even though you’ve been working on it all week I think you have another five hours or so of work to do.
I sigh, take a step back, look at the big picture and feel okay. That’s alright. If I just buckle down and put my mind to it…
Huh? There’s more?
Uh yeah. I just noticed some new work came up for your Tuesday and Wednesday classes on the online forum. Just a few readings. No biggie. But don’t forget that you have to work Monday and Thursday morning before class, and you have that meeting with the professor at 5:30pm after class on Tuesday…make sure you bring some kind of outline for that paper you’re supposed to write…ah yeah and that three page assignment for the grammar nazi is due on Thursday. He put the readings that you’re supposed to comment on on reserve in the library but it’s not there ever for some reason so you’ll just have to Google it or something.
Remember, the one you put off and said you’d get to last week but then you forgot to answer that e-mail. Oh, speaking of e-mails you got another one from the dentist wondering when you’re going to make that appointment with the oral surgeon to get your wisdom teeth removed.
Yeah…I don’t think it’s really a good week fo…
And you have an appointment on Friday to get a two dollar tattoo from your boss? Remember when you said you’d ‘take one for the team’ and get a two dollar tattoo, which you’re totally scared of because the single needle configuration reminds you of a razor blade and it’s gonna be all scary and stuff?
Yeah but that’s going to be fun, right? I think. And it might heal awesomely and be super cute! You never know.
Right and you just got an e-mail from your other instructor with 75 dense pages to read and summarize by next Tuesday. Don’t leave it to the last minute, it’s too much reading! Oh, and that one instructor wants to see a full bibliography for that research paper by Thursday even though you don’t have class with her again until Tuesday so you need to take those thirty some sources and put them into an MLA format and magically get a paper copy of that to her somehow. And your school friends have booked a study room in the library for Thursday afternoon, don’t ditch them or forget because school friends can be very useful people.
…okay if I get four hours sleep each night and live on espresso beans and luck, and maybe if I get myself a time machine I can handle…hmm, wait, study room for what?
Study for what?
um…uh…well, Friday, uh…
Come on, just say it.
Study for what?
Okay…(deep breath) youhavethreemidtermsonfridaythatyouhaventstartedstudyingfor.
And there was a look into my stupid life right now. School is so lucky I’m super close to convocating because seriously every single day I think about quitting. Can you believe I’m paying like a hundred bucks a day for this torture too? What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. This. Picture?
Anyway, everybody please keep up with the encouragement and presents because it’s really keeping me going.
Don’t worry, in 56 days it’ll all be over and I’ll turn back into a human being, with like 300% less complaining.
56 more days!
You know what? Reading back on my old blog posts I’ve realized I’m pretty funny if I do say so myself. Just go through the “embarrassing myself” tag. There’s some good stuff there. The one about the mushrooms and business cards? Ha. I kill me.