stare-downs with strangers

 He ain’t scared o’ nobody.
2 times last week strangers tried to intimidate Ryan and I by … alpha-male-staring us down. They failed miserably. This is their story. 
DUN DUN

Time #1:
Leaving a Cave Singer’s* show on Sunday, Ryan and I had had a few adult beverages and made the responsible decision to take a taxi home. There are always tons of taxis a few streets away from the club so we started to make our way in that direction. The sidewalk was covered with drunk dummies standing around, I guess making plans for their next destination or whatever.

So, arm in arm with my man, completely oblivious to all the pea-coated lumberjacks slobbering around on the sidewalk, I was surprised when a random dude fist-bumped Ryan and said “peace, brother”.

“What was that? Did you know him?” I asked.

No, Ryan did not know him. What happened was this ridiculous alpha male body language thing. Ryan told me the guy had been staring fiercely into his eyes the entire time we were walking toward him, (maybe five seconds or so) and Ryan didn’t break eye contact and…won the battle? I don’t know, it was really stupid. But we won! CHECK. MATE. BUDDY.

I don’t know.

Time #2
I got off the bus in the early evening after work. It was pitch black outside. Thanks, winter! Anyway it may as well have been midnight it was so dark out. I started the trek down the poorly lit sidewalks to my house from the bus stop. I usually get a bit defensive and on-edge at night, and really pay attention to my surroundings when it’s dark out and I’m all alone.

So this guy walking towards me looked more and more crack-head-y the closer he got to me, facial sores included. Okay no, maybe not. But I imagine he had scabs everywhere! For hyperbole’s sake let’s say he was the scariest human alive. He was very tall and dressed all in black with a puffy black coat on and his hood up. When we got close enough to see each other’s eyes he started staring at my face in that dominance way, like the guy in the last story. And I didn’t look away because I was thinking about that other guy and was determined to win this stare battle too.

And then he screamed at me “MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” in a man shouty voice. And it scared the heck out of me but I only kind of laughed because it was so unexpected.So I’d call that one a draw, because even though he got to me I didn’t show it.

*listen to that song, it’s very good. And in real life the singer is teeny tiny.

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