surprise!

I only expected to have a quick consultation at the dentist’s office this morning. I was going to try and convince them to pull out my stupid metal tooth (like 70% filling after a root canal) instead of re-root-canalling the bitch, and maybe get some antibiotics for the possible abscess I had on my gums. Then I would do some financial planning over the next few weeks or something and get my serious teeth problems solved after that.

I told work I’d be a bit late because I had to have a chat with the dentist at 8:30. No big deal.

Well. I showed up, they did a quick x-ray and a like 30 second exam of the tooth and…

Dentist, poking something: Look at this!
Assistant: Oh wow. 
Dentist: And when I do this…
Assistant: Oh my gosh.
Me: ouch! 
Dentist: HEY EVERYBODY COME SEE THIS
Dentist (to me): You’ve got quite a crack in this tooth, no wonder it’s hurt.
Other dentist: What?
Me: Ow, it hurts now! 
Dentist: Have you ever seen a (jargon jargon jargon) bilateral (jargon) fissure before?
Other dentist: Let’s see. WHOA
Dentist: Do you mind if we take some pictures of this?
Me: … no?
Dentist: Thanks! (takes pictures with a weird mouth camera) I’ve never seen one quite so bad.
Other dentist: That reminds me of (bla bla bla boring dentist stuff)
Dentist (to me): This tooth is going to have to come out.
Me: Oh, okay. Sure. Sounds good.
Dentist (to assistant): Could you prepare for an extraction?
Me: WE’RE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW? Can I use the bathroom first? (haha)

I go pee and give myself a “you can do this” talking to while on the toilet. Getting a tooth pulled is not really something you want to be surprised with but I’m a warrior. haha Plus I just seriously am so sick of tooth headaches I’ll be so glad when this is over.

I come back and awkwardly sit down.

Dentist: So was there any trauma? Did anything happen to that tooth?
Me: Um….nope.
Dentist: Are you sure? (looks at me intently)
Me: (wtf is he asking if my husband beats me or something?) Nothing I can think of?
Dentist: Okay then.

I assume the dental patient position and he gave me the “you’ll feel a pinch” song and dance and froze the place where the actual hardcore freezing needle would go in. I hate that I pay so much attention to that stuff, I am always like hyper aware of what’s happening at the dentist and exactly what needle they’re using and where. Why can’t I just zone out?

Anyway he injected me with the next needle and my heart instantly began racing. I felt like running out of the building. I thought I was having a panic attack and wanted to sit up with my head between my knees but instead I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down, wondering what the hell my problem was. Just. Calm. Down. I’m fine. It’s just the dentist. I’m fine.

Dentist: You feel a little weird?
Me: Yeah I do, actually.
Dentist: That last needle contained some adrenaline, I saw some blood in the syringe when I pulled it out which means a bit of it got into your bloodstream. We try not to do that but sometimes it happens.
Me: (crazy laugh) That makes sense. I thought I was having a heart attack.
Dentist: Lets…just give you a few minutes to calm down.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Then came the next needle and a bunch of poking and pulling. Then WEEEEEEEE!!! (drill sound) and water and tooth dust flying into my eyes and a burning smell. A lot of urgent requests for “the flat one” and the “curette to abrade all the infection” and stuff I tried not to pay attention to. Nothing hurt, in a really weird way it actually felt … well I don’t want to say good but it felt interesting?

There was a lot of struggle to get what I assume was a root or something out of my jaw at the end but they got it. “Suction. SUCTION.”

Right in the middle of the whole thing the dentist asked if I have a good relationship with my parents and I laughed because what? I said mmphhhmmmuuuh which meant yes, and he said that’s good because they might have to help me pay for the thing that I have to stick into the space left in my mouth.

I’m nowhere near done, you see. Even though the culprit is out of my face, there’s so much more to do. I can’t wait too long to put some kind of prosthetic tooth in there, because my back teeth can start tipping into the hole which can create an amazing beach house for cavities and bacteria to spend their summer vacations.

Or, and this sounds fake but two people told me separately so it must be true, my top tooth above the hole could grow down more so it fills the hole. Um. Remind you of anything?

And then it was done and they told me that no, I can not go to work today, I just have to bite on this gauze for hours and hours and take a bunch of drugs and do no physical activity, oh darn haha. Here’s a prescription, give us four hundred dollars, get out. 
I went to the pharmacy across the parking lot and mimed that I can’t talk, pointing to a piece of paper that was titled “care after oral surgery”. She asked me a series of yes and no questions, it was pretty funny actually. Luckily I got a pharmacist with a sense of humor. And then I went home and mimed to Ryan to please call my work for me.
Then I got tired of miming and grunting, and started typing stuff on word to Ryan. Here’s a sample of my side of our conversation, for posterity.

I changed the gauze just now and took a couple T3s…the hole is bigger than I was expecting to see, it’s kind of freaky. Molars are huge! And there was an actual chunk of tooth stuck to the gauze and more colors of blood than I expected to see…yuck.

Anyway I have a couple movies I’ve never seen before ready to go in our PVR and suddenly feel a bit loopy so end of blog post. Fantastic Mr.Fox, here I come! And later? Mashed potatoes. Yes. Now me go sleep.

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