haircut

BEFORE (worse than it looks in this picture)

One before shot and then AFTER


(I was trying to go for this rage comic face but couldn’t remember what it looked like.)

I actually dread going to get my hair done as much as I dread going to the dentist. Because I do neither on a really regular basis and they always find things I’ve done wrong. *cough* self bang trims *cough* not flossing very much *cough*

Also, being a generally lame small-talker, I get extraordinarily awkward around halfway through the haircut. It starts out okay, I can be fun and/or amusing for like fifteen minutes. Leah tried to talk me into getting a bowl cut and I firmly said NO WAY JOSE because do I really need anything to make me look like more of a dork than I already do?

And then we did the shampoo and I got all OMG someone’s massaging my head, should I enjoy it or is that weird? I can’t hear what that guy’s saying should I nod or say I can’t hear you. Is that rude? My internal monologue started spinning out of control.

After that it all went downhill. In my brain. I always get afraid to talk too much because I don’t want to move around and ruin the haircut (I’m an act-the-story-out kind of talker), and also there’s like 15 people near enough to hear me talk and it gives me anxiety to even think about telling a story in front of that many people. Like, if I’m too interesting they’ll all listen and then I’ll have a heart attack and die and my ears will explode off my head.

And then all these thoughts start racing through my head like should I tell her about my new tattoo no that’s all anybody knows about me is where I work should I talk about the kids is that weird I don’t know what to say about them she has kids right how many kids does she have and then I realize it’s been a good ten minutes of absolute silence, because the … stylist hair dresser magical hair artist is concentrating on making the bob perfectly straight, and I want to say something interesting but the only thing that blurts out of my mouth is


“So do you cut your dog’s hair too?” 
WHY, INTERNET? WHYYYY AM I THE WORST AT HUMAN INTERACTION?
Yes this is truly what I said. And she was like “no I have someone do it for me” and I mean what’s the follow-up to that? Nothing. More silence. 
Anyway I’m lucky that the people who work at Lab Salon are amazing at making a person feel super cool. I haven’t been there in nearly a year, and yet they made an effort to pretend they remembered who I am. And for the most part everyone pretended not to notice my self-cut hair which was nice because their slogan is STOP CUTTING YOUR OWN HAIR.
And the owner Matty, he came over and I told him and Leah what I was thinking, like why couldn’t I just sit down and have an amazing conversation about expensive weddings or shark finning like the guy beside me, and Matty was like “you do realize you’re not here to entertain us right now, right?” Which made me feel so much better about the whole thing.
And now I look beauuuuutiful and I’ve made a solemn vow to return every few weeks for a bang trim. Which…yeah. Maybe I will try it. Like a real lady instead of the crust punk kid I still think of myself as sometimes.
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