I actually dread going to get my hair done as much as I dread going to the dentist. Because I do neither on a really regular basis and they always find things I’ve done wrong. *cough* self bang trims *cough* not flossing very much *cough*
Also, being a generally lame small-talker, I get extraordinarily awkward around halfway through the haircut. It starts out okay, I can be fun and/or amusing for like fifteen minutes. Leah tried to talk me into getting a bowl cut and I firmly said NO WAY JOSE because do I really need anything to make me look like more of a dork than I already do?
And then we did the shampoo and I got all OMG someone’s massaging my head, should I enjoy it or is that weird? I can’t hear what that guy’s saying should I nod or say I can’t hear you. Is that rude? My internal monologue started spinning out of control.
After that it all went downhill. In my brain. I always get afraid to talk too much because I don’t want to move around and ruin the haircut (I’m an act-the-story-out kind of talker), and also there’s like 15 people near enough to hear me talk and it gives me anxiety to even think about telling a story in front of that many people. Like, if I’m too interesting they’ll all listen and then I’ll have a heart attack and die and my ears will explode off my head.
And then all these thoughts start racing through my head like should I tell her about my new tattoo no that’s all anybody knows about me is where I work should I talk about the kids is that weird I don’t know what to say about them she has kids right how many kids does she have and then I realize it’s been a good ten minutes of absolute silence, because the …
stylist hair dresser magical hair artist is concentrating on making the bob perfectly straight, and I want to say something interesting but the only thing that blurts out of my mouth is