I always feel slightly proud when I’m sporting a massive bruise for some reason. It screams “look how hurt I got! I’m a rough-and-tumble harsh blood vessel breaker!” Except usually I don’t really earn my bruises. Mainly they’re from running into a coffee-table shins first or being head-butted by a certain mister tank-a-roo.
I usually bruise a little whenever I get tattooed, but if you get me in certain areas my body goes bananas and totally overreacts. It’s like “PUT ALL THE BLOOD IN THE SKIN” and I swell like a motherfucker and the entire area turns red and purple.
So internet? Meet my thigh. I know the watermarking kind of seems like overkill but seriously people steal this guy’s stuff so often and claim it as their own it’s ridiculous.
So this is just a few hours after I got home, just after I showered. Ouch, right?
But you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. The next day I wrapped that shit up in saran wrap and wore jeans all day at work, and didn’t get home until around 9pm due to some important pizza parlor hang outs. My leg felt disgusting so I jumped in the shower … and saw THIS:
That was a couple days ago, it’s turning a lovely shade of yellow now mainly, and the tattoo is healing nicely. But I mean…come on, leg. Calm down.