if you really knew me…

If you really knew me…

…you would know I hate pancakes to the point where I dry heave if forced to look at them for too long. You would also know it’s all in my head because I don’t mind waffles which are basically the same food but with squares on it.

…you would know I am a huge language nerd who loves learning about linguistic theories. I’m also quite passionate about language loss to the point where I’ve stopped shopping at any thrift stores that support missionaries in other countries.

…you would know I listen to This American Life podcasts while I work out and I listen to black metal while I’m on the bus.

…you would know I hate taking the bus because I hate the people on the bus, and sometimes the drivers too. In fact, I just don’t like strangers in general ninety percent of the time.

…you would know that me and my big butt have a complicated relationship…I still don’t know if I love it or hate it, or if it’s attractive or hideous. I’m working on just coming to terms with it as-is.

…you would know I hate to dance, sing, or otherwise put myself out there as a spectacle in public. Wallflower 4 lyfe.

…you would know I’m vegetarian but pretend to be vegan one day a week when I work in a vegan store. Unless somebody directly asks me if I’m vegan I just go with their assumptions.

…you would know I am terrified of aliens, but only the “little green men” type. It’s not a funny joke to talk about them around me because I will resort to violence if necessary.

…you would know I have a very low tolerance for bullshit or rudeness, but am usually too timid to do anything about it. This is one of my largest sources of frustration.

…you would know I have a huge and … interesting family that I don’t see enough. I have step-parents and adopted siblings and half-brothers and whole-brothers. My family is interracial and eclectic and interesting and I love them all very much.

…you would know how sick I am of answering the same five questions over and over about my tattoos. For the record yes it is a my little pony, yes I want to get more, no I’m not almost out of room, yes I know my arm is colorful and it’s none of your business how expensive my tattoos were.

…you would know my feet are busted with some kind of chronic plantar fasciitis and there seems to be nothing I can really do to help it other than not walk or stand too much.

…you would know I love animals and am “that guy” who catches spiders and bugs and puts them outside rather than doing the old paper-towel-squash.

…you would know I am so blind without my glasses or contacts that I can’t see clearly any further than maybe six inches from my face, and I have zero depth perception without them. I have a knack for walking into doorframes and walls on my way to bed.

…you would know I like (good) beer, wine, tequila, Strongbow and rum equally, and whatever you have is probably fine. 

…you would know I used to have super long dreadlocks and I’m not even ashamed of it.

My mom dragging me to a barber shop in 2008. 
I could go on and on but that’s enough shoe gazing for now. Have you done one of these posts? Post a link in the comments so I can come see.
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