The funniest story of the year.

I can’t even think of this story Ryan told me on New Year’s Eve without completely cracking up. Even when I’m on the bus. How embarrassing.

So it all started with us mixing up some NYE ‘wizard’s brew’ with the kids. For the record, Wizard’s Brew is not as awesome as it sounds, it’s just ginger ale, orange juice and sparkling orange juice. And a little magic. The kids did get to take turns pouring the juice and pop* though and that’s soooooooo fun, right? And they got to pour as much as they wanted of each ingredient, you know? Great times.

We talked about the fun-level at some length as the potion mixing was going on, and the conversation reminded me of this one time when I was eleven or twelve, when I got in really big trouble for mixing up all the different shampoos and conditioners we had in the bathroom.

For the record, I was trying to do the world a favor by making the perfect shampoo. It had to smell nice, have a pretty color and save you time by washing and conditioning your hair at once. It was a lot of hard work…measuring with the various shampoo caps, pouring out excess, mixing with my index finger…etcetera.

I knew I shouldn’t be doing my amazing laboratory-grade experiments with my mother’s cosmetics so when I failed to make a shampoo worthy of human trials, I tried to discard the evidence by pouring it down the sink. You guys, have you ever tried to pour an entire bottle of shampoo down a sink drain? It does not pour right down. It pools, and heaven help you if you turn on the tap to try and wash it down…and that’s when my mom walked in.

The kids were full of questions. What kind of shampoo did I use? Did it cost a lot of money? How did I clean up the shampoo in the end? Did I feel bad? Oh yes, kids, I was full of remorse. I still am. You should never ever ever waste shampoo like that. 

What I didn’t tell the kids was that when she asked what I was doing I shouted “It’s rotten! The shampoo is too old,” like I was doing the family a favor by dumping litres of shampoo down the sink. Needless to say I got in big trouble and that’s the end of that story. I remember it very clearly though, I must have been terrified out of my wits at the time.

Well anyway, my story reminded Ryan of this…the funniest story I have ever heard. 

His parents used to buy ten-packs of Irish Spring soap, in bar form, and for a while when he was maybe ten or eleven years old, suddenly the soap was going missing at an alarming rate. Because he spent hours trying to perfect the Irish Springs soap-cut.

Yes, that’s right. Ryan thought that this guy looked so cool he locked himself in the bathroom with a butter knife and tried whittling long slices of green soap into the garbage can. AAAHHAHAHA it’s too funny, I can’t even.

*Yes, pop. I get so self-conscious about my Canadian-isms sometimes here because I know that over half of my readers are Americans. But ‘soda’ just doesn’t feel right to me. So there you go.
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