An open letter to the guy who gave me his e-mail address scribbled on a scrap of paper like two years ago in the street

Dear guy who gave me his e-mail address scribbled on a piece of paper like two years ago when I was walking past and told me you like my style,

Hey. What’s up?

Listen, um…here’s the thing. I AM OBVIOUSLY NOT INTERESTED IN YOU.

Not only do I have a boyfriend, but I’m not into hip hop guys. Or aggressively forward guys either. You lose three times.

Also? Creepy guys who feel they have the right to continue to pester me TWO EFFING YEARS LATER. Not into those either.

I only took your e-mail at all because you caught me so off guard and I thought it would be harmless. Honestly, that never happens to me, so I said “thanks” and walked away. Remember? I wasn’t like “Hey cool, let’s be best friends and go on dates and hold hands for ever and ever.” I was like “Okay bye.”

And guess what. I threw it in the garbage and felt like an idiot like a minute later. Why did I take the thing at all? I should have just said no thank you.

But I figured you’d get the point anyway, seeing as I never e-mailed you.

And then remember how it was late at night one time and I was walking home from the bus stop and you saw me? And I was talking on the phone and walking because that’s what I do when I feel creeped out at night. I call my boyfriend and he talks me home. Remember? And this was like months and months later and you started saying my name over and over and I just kept walking as though I only had ears for my telephone? Yeah. I did that on purpose to avoid you.

And then I thought it was over. I thought FINALLY you got the hint. When I ignored you to your face.

Then I saw you looking at me on the bus a few months after that. Good thing I had readings to do for school so I could pointedly ignore you.

But seriously? The other day? When I was waiting for the bus downtown and listening to music and you got your friend to come up to me and say my name over and over and over until I finally acknowledged him…yeah okay. I am officially getting angry. LEAVE THE THE FUCK ALONE.

I didn’t recognize him, obviously, but then I saw you standing there and pretended I didn’t know who either of you were ON PURPOSE so you would GO AWAY.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” I asked.

And you were offended and said “You don’t remember me?”

I wanted to blatantly point out that no, not everybody remembers every single encounter with every single human being from two fucking years ago. Unfortunately I do remember you, because you are starting to scare me.

Go away. For real.

Never to be yours,

Nova

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