This guy…I’m just gonna say it: He sold drugs to my friends. And I’m not talking a little pot. He was kind of a mule, I suppose, as he was always coming straight from Edmonton to whatever party I had snuck out my bedroom window to attend that evening. (sorry mom)
He was the first person I’ve ever known who carried a gun, and he was the first person I knew who had forearm tattoos. He was also the first person I walked in on while he was shooting heroin in the other room. I was completely oblivious to what kind of people my friends were. Looking back I think ‘what the hell were they doing hanging out with teenage girls?’ but then I don’t want to think about that. Gross.
Anyway this guy … he was scary. Still is, as far as I’m concerned. He’s extremely tall, and has a voice like a giant. I can’t separate rumors from truth about him…he’s the bad guy of legend in our home town, and so I am pretty sure he has done it all. All the bad stuff.
He requested to be my friend on Facebook a couple days ago.
Are we ‘friends’? Like…at all?
I honestly kept the request waiting for a couple days to let it sink in. First of all…he has a facebook account. I didn’t realize fucking frankendraculas were allowed to use the computer.
Secondly, he remembers who I am even though I haven’t seen him since I was about fifteen years old, which is weird.
Third…he’s still alive? Not in jail? Shocking stuff.
So I thought ‘meh, might as well check out his profile.’
There were pictures of KIDS (he has children?!?!?!?!), dogs, oil rigs, really cold looking winters, …typical Alberta stuff.
“okay,” I thought, “he seems like a normal human after all.”
And then I got to his ‘about me’ section … the best part was the ‘favorite books’…there was only one, entitled something like: Violent J: behind the makeup
Do you know who Violent J is?
Ever heard of Insane Clown Posse?
Listen to the lyrics in this song. This is not a joke song. It’s serious. In fact, I’m gonna post the lyrics below so you can read along. I’ll put the awesome parts in bold so you can really appreciate their … depth and intelligence. My comments are in red.
We got a theory, see like, we got a theory about magic and miracles. That’s right…
If magic is all we ever known then it’s easy to miss what really goes on, but I have seen miracles in every way and it have seen miracles every day, (awesome rhyme, guys) Oceans spanding beyond my site, (this isn’t ICP’s fault but whoever transcribed this song was clearly a genius) and a million stars way above em at night, we don’t have to be high to look in the sky, and know that is a miracle open wide. (what does that even mean?)
Look at the mountains trees the seven seas, and everything chillin under water please, hot lava, snow, rain and fog, long neck giraffes, pet cats and dogs. I have seen 85 thousand people all in one room together as equal, pure magic is the birth of my kids I’ve seen shit that shock your eyelids, (hahahaha!!!)the sun and the moon even mars the milky way fuckin shooting stars, ufo’s, (really?) a river flows, plant a little seed and nature grows, Niagara falls and the pyramids, everything you believed in as kids, fuckin rainbows after it rains, there’s enough miracles here to blow your brain, I fed a fish to a pelican and Frisco bay and he tried to eat my cell phone he ran away, (um…what?) and music is magic pure and clean you feel it you can hear it and it can’t be seen.
Are you a believer in miracles? (Music it’s all magic, you can’t even hold it) Do you notice and recognize miracles? It’s just there in the air, are you a believer in miracles? (Pure motherfucking magic, this shit will blow your MF mind.)
Music is a lot like love, it’s all a feeling and it fills the room from the floor to the ceiling, I’ve seen miracles all around me, stop and look around its all astounding, water, fire air and dirt, fucking magnets, how do they work? (Hahahahaha!! I think this is my favorite line)I don’t want to talk to a scientist, ya’ll MF lying and getting me pissed,(yeah, scientists are lying…it’s all just magic) solar eclipse and vicious weather, 15,000 Juggalos together (I hope I never have to see 15,000 Juggalos at once…ew) and I love my mom for giving me this time on this planet, take nothing for granted, I seen a caterpillar turn into a butterfly, miracles aint nothing to lye (?), shaggys little boys look just like shaggy and my little boy looks just like daddy, miracles each and everywhere you look and nobody has to stay where they put, this world is yours for you to explore, it’s nothing but miracles beyond your doors, the dark carnival is your invitation,(sorry ‘dark carnival’, I’m busy that day) to witness that of there our explanation,(?) take a look at this fine creation and enjoy it better with appreciation, (really?) crows, ghosts, the midnight coasts, the wonders of the world, mysteries, the most (the most? what?). Just open your mind and in no way to ignore the miracles of everyday, that’s real.
Are you a believer in miracles? (Magic every in this bitch, it’s all around you and you don’t even know it.) Do you notice and recognize miracles? It’s just there in the air, are you a believer in miracles? (Pure motherfucking magic, this shit will blow your MF mind.) (I don’t think the transcriber really paid attention here at the end…it totally doesn’t match up. Whatever.)
Saturday Night Live recently made a video parody of it…it’s awesome.
What the fuck is a clock? hahahahaha
So thank you, terrifying guy from my past, for making me realize just how much I’ve changed and what I escaped when I left all that behind.
And if you find this blog please don’t kill me.
I also found this guy, who is totally taking the piss out of ‘juggalos’. Nice one.