a picture of my cock

ahahahaaaaa get it? double entendre! zzzing!
sorry about the terrible quality of photo, i just used the webcam on my netbook for maximum upload speed

so yeah, the tattoo

i did that today.

it wasn’t too painful* until like the last fifteen or twenty minutes. then i got all quiet and angry, as usual.

but it looks pretty rad, no?

(yes)

i learned something too!

being a rather … curvy** … lady, i have stretch marks on my hips, like, on the sides. i guess my skin couldn’t keep up with the explosion of sexiness that happened around the year 1994 in the waist/hip area.
anyway, so i have these stretch marks. they’re super light colored and hardly noticeable.

unless you’re a tattooer.
then you see a veritable obstacle course.

okay not really, but stretch marks are fucking weirder than i thought. and they get ANGRY when you tattoo them. they turn all red and stick out, like they get all swollen. it’s so strange.

and then they feel like they’re little lines full of jelly or something. you know when you get a bump on your head or … i don’t know how to explain it. but anyway it’s weird.

and yeah…totally awkward when you’re lying down on a massage table and your shirt is practically up around your bra and half your ass is hanging out probably and your boss is the one who had to help you tuck a dental bib down your pants to protect them and he’s like “aagh your stupid stretch marks”

and oh yeah, you have to work there with everybody tomorrow

and someone else you work with is telling you “nice cock”

and someone else you work with is saying “i can see your bum!” to which you reply “DON’T LOOK AT IT”

and also, you’re lying on your side and your boss is like “i hate tattooing girls with hips because of this spot” and taps your waist/hip area where the waist is all beautifully small and lovely in comparison to your ghetto booty but all he sees is an awkward tough area to shove needles into and see what he’s doing at the same time

oh, and you’re kind of curled up on your side, and so that chubby tummy you’ve been meaning to get rid of one of these days is all mushed together into a fat blob and it’s just hanging out because your shirt is up and your pants are down

also, you’re really sweaty and you can feel your t-shirt getting totally soaked around your armpits, and the barrier sheet underneath you has sweat marks on it as well.

i know, i really made it sound glamorous. but i actually had a lot of fun today.

so yeah. that was today’s adventure, in a nutshell.

*by “it wasn’t too painful” i mean it fucking hurt like a son of a bitch but i was able to maintain a conversation for the first hour and a bit without doing that sharp intake of breath thing or the stop in the middle of the sentence until they’re done tattooing the area they’re tattooing thing or the saying “i’m just not going to talk for a bit” thing.

**by “curvy” i don’t mean i’m 300 pounds and am trying to justify it by saying “oh, i’m curvy, love my curvy body, you’re just afraid of my seven stomach curves” – hey fatties, fat rolls don’t count as “curves” in my book***
but i have that total hips/butt/boobs/waist thing going on. sometimes it’s out of control but sometimes it’s totally hot, or that’s what my mom tells me.

just kidding.

that’s so creepy.

what?

THE END

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