the parent trap

you know you are feeling under the weather when you watch the parent trap all the way through without rolling your eyes.

in my defense though, i did say “this is stupid” at least once. yes, i said that on facebook already, if you are my friend, sorry for the repetition, but i really just had to drive the point home.

lindsay lohan sure had red hair. does she still? i dunno.
i don’t care. don’t answer that question. we’ll call it rhetorical.

i got up and finished a paper this morning and e-mailed it in to my instructor and was all “i’m staying home”, and then went back to bed.

she wrote back that she hopes i don’t have swine flu (WTF?) because it’s going around campus.

wasn’t that thoughtful of her?

i woke up with an insane craving for popcorn and menstrual cramps…not a craving for menstrual cramps, but actual menses*

then one of ryan’s childrens started eating my popcorn with his dirty i’ve-been-outside-for-7-hours-already-and-probably-don’t-wash-my-hands-when-i-go-pee hands and i was all “get out of here” and hugged the popcorn bowl and watched the parent trap.

and now we’ve come full circle.

but then ryan went out to get stuff at the store and that’s when the band the Fish Hooks came by and told me for fifty cents they would teach me anger management.

and i was like “boy, this band sure looks a lot like ryan’s kids and the neighborhood kids, but they do have a music video…”

and i totally fell for it, but then my anger spun out of control and i chased them halfway down the driveway yelling that i didn’t need their anger management class, until i realized i was running in a t-shirt with no bra on and no 7 year old boy needs to see that, even if they are in a band.

anyway the end of that story is that they are obviously deaf and weird because they came back to the door like six more times, even though every time i would chase them away.

and they laughed instead of calling the cops, which is maybe what i would do if a crazy lady repeatedly chased after me with no bra on.

or maybe i’d just stop going to her house every 46 seconds.

****BREAKING NEWS!****

i’ve just been informed that the Fish Hooks were at it again! ryan came home and found a note, with a forgery of his signature at the bottom detailing how badly i need to take anger management classes!

in case you can’t read that perfect wonderful writing that totally fooled me into thinking ryan wrote it, here’s what it says:

ANGER MANAGEMENT
please take anger management class you need it alot you’re always screaming at me and throwing things at me pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, please, please, please, take this class love ryan

yep, one of them knows the difference between your and you’re … YOU HEAR THAT, INTERNET? LITTLE KIDS KNOW BETTER GRAMMAR THAN YOU DO

anyway

it also came with a wonderful depiction of what i look like, yelling or throwing things or vomiting grey wind.

it’s all crumply because ryan tried to spare my feelings, and, believing it was serious**, he threw it in the garbage

and that, friends, has been my day so far. the library had the movie The Orphanage in stock, which is a scary movie in spanish. i think the director is the same one who did pan’s labyrinth (BEST MOVIE EVER – if you haven’t seen it, you MUST. i insist.)
and that’s the plan for the rest of the day…

that, and nachos.

and beer.

what? i’m sick… feel sorry for me. and bring me beer.

that’s my motto!

the end.

*sorry for saying menses, i just never get the opportunity to use it

**because i do always throw things and yell at him all the time, you know, for sport

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